I used to watch Tiny House video clips and feel elated, inspired and exhilarated; but now I feel a deep hollow ache.
Fourteen months ago, in September 2018, my husband and I decided to walk away from the conventional lifestyle, and home, that was simply not serving us, and run towards a small dream - A small space, with few possessions and ALL of the love.
Less for the sake of more.
The past fourteen months have been a journey; both literally and proverbially. Our four bedroom house sold almost immediately. We moved in with my mother for three months to build our absolute dream home. The EcoPod. Every centimetre was considered and loved and exemplified. On the 2nd 2019 of January we moved in. We lived there for exactly six months, and then we fled.
I’ve spent five months now, in an almost identical McMansion to the original home that I sold. I’ve been neither happy nor sad here. I’ve just been.
That’s not so say that I don’t have immense, immeasurable, HaKarat Ha Tov to My Creator for the infinite, infinite Blessings I receive from Him on a daily basis, regardless of where I live; but I feel empty.
Perhaps it’s the empty bedrooms? The empty closets? Or the empty bathrooms?
Perhaps it’s me?
I walked away from something, but I also walked towards something else. A lifestyle. A statement. A value system.
And I miss it.
We are living small in a big house and it feels like a waste.
I once read that you should ‘never give up in something you can’t go a day without thinking about’. To be honest I haven’t thought about my tiny house for five months, because I don’t allow it. It’s too painful. I built my dream home and I ran away from it.
I sometimes wish we could go back.