Dear Self-Isolation, where have you been all my li’i’i’ife?
I’m just gonna come out and say it: I’m grateful for Corona Virus. Or rather, I'm grateful to HaShem for sending a catalyst for change. I accept that all change is difficult.
Obviously I’m not grateful for death or illness or panic or my parents’ being at risk, but I am grateful for what it’s done for ME.
2020 was kicking my behind.
I just had a feeling in my bones that something had to give. I kept fighting convention. I wanted my kids home after school. I had stopped all extra murals. We had downsized severely. And I kept telling my husband how amazing shabbos is; at home, alone, just the four of us.
But still, I was fighting.
I was fighting myself and my mind. Constantly playing devils advocate. Maybe it’s me? Maybe wanting to just be home with my family is wrong in some way? Pathological perhaps?
In any event I was burnt out in January.
I also think I was desperately seeking boundaries and, as my wise friend pointed out, now they have been established for me.
People are saying that corona is here to teach us a lesson. To be still and be home and be together. Corona is here to show us how to be present with one another and actually bond with our children. Spend time just doing life together. And I totally agree.
I think in some ways I was living this way already. So instead of circumstance forcing me to be present with my kids it’s given me one massive stamp of validation.
And it’s given me a break.
Again, I know how absolutely blessed and privileged I am not to have to work so I can enjoy this time. And my heart is aching for moms who are at work all day wondering what their kids are up to and if they’re ok. I feel you mama. But that doesn’t mean it’s not real for me right now and I am grateful. Super grateful.
Being a stay at home mom is a choice. And it was my choice. One I have made many sacrifices for. Financially. Emotionally. Egotistically. But none by way of character. I wanted to be a stay at home and I believe in staying home. And now I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. So again, Corona, I thank you.
I don’t know what the future holds but I suspect a change for the good. I believe with compete and unwavering faith in the benevolence of G-D and know with every fiber of my being that this will be for the good. This too shall pass. And life will, not only recover, but rebirth itself for all of us in the right time.